Anyone Still Out There?

So I realize that it has been almost exactly a year since my last post, and while I don't know if anyone actually reads this blog, I feel inspired to try to get out here again.  A lot has happened for me while I was away. 

A quick review of the last year or so... 

Work was very hard on me...  I worked incredibly hard, and, I believe, made a similar level of contribution to years past, but in the end, I got slapped in the face by a performance rating that labels me mediocre at best.  So I decided to make a change.  More on that later. 

In my personal life, it was also a year of intense challenge, sometimes sadness and frustration, but also of some of the happiest moments of my life.  At the beginning of April, Adolfo was offered, and accepted a job in Moorestown, NJ for "6-8 months".  It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do to let go of the life we had built together, but my love and support for him and his dreams won out, and in the end, I helped him go, my heart full of sadness and foreboding.  He started the new chapter of our lives, though.  First of all, in May, he proposed!  Little did I know, he had had this stunning ring since January, and was just waiting for the right time.  It was an incredibly romantic and beautiful weekend, and if I had telepathically told him exactly how to propose, I couldn't have designed a better memory.  So started an interesting part of our relationship; the plan to move forward with our future while we were separated by distance and schedules.  There were some weeks where we could only speak to each other on the phone a few minutes a day, but we managed to see each other almost every weekend, though a lot of it was due to some sacrifice.

Over the course of the summer, we started to fall in love with this area.  I know...  New Jersey...  But we spent time in Philadelphia, we went to the beach... we spent a lovely summer.  The area seemed like the perfect compromise for us, and so, as the autumn began, with mounting frustrations for me at work in Owego, and the ever present feeling that I was being taken advantage of (a fact that would be confirmed to me in December), I started to update my resume, and make the necessary plans to also transfer to the Moorestown, NJ facility. 

For months, it seemed like nothing was happening.  No calls, no emails, no prospects.  I finally took matters into my own hands close to Christmas, and I spent a few minutes speaking with my third line manager.  My boss' boss' boss.  And it happened.  He called someone who called someone, who called my second line manager; "Get me her resume!"  By the time I returned from Christmas break in Puerto Rico, a new manager wanted to talk to me.  I interviewed over the phone on my first day back, and started working in Moorestown 2 weeks later.  It still feels like a whirlwind, and I am struggling to take a deep breath, but it feels great.

So, I am starting 2012 as an engaged woman, with a new job, and a new home, in a new city.  It feels like the world is at my feet, and I can truly do whatever I want to do.  As of today, we have been living in our new apartment for one week, and I will complete my third week of work in my new job.  Of course, as with any major life change, there are things that are not optimal, but I am SO much happier than I have been in much too long.  I am starting to feel my old self returning.  I no longer feel like my every moment has to be shceduled to the microsecond, and the pressure at work is all but gone.  I know I will have other challenges to face, but I feel now, at least, that I have a chance to preserve my sanity and my personal life, even when work is demanding.  People here are so much less harried, and the rhythm of the place feels inititely better.  The work week is 40 hours (!).  A 7 AM start is considered early, not late, and the place in almost completely empty by 5.  In fact, the building in CLOSED from 10PM to 6AM.  Closed.  This is an entirely new concept to me.

With a little bit of distance, I am finally understanding what the problem had been for the last year and a half of my life: working in a place where you are expected to live to work necessarily makes you de-value the other, more important parts of your life.  Success in a place like that demands that you give up so much of yourself and your personal aspirations that, if work cannot fulfill you, you have NO hope of finding fulfillment in other things.  I know from personal experience, now...  You cannot hope to see it from the inside of that kind of hell, but I hope that if you feel the way I did, you can take a moment to step off of the moving sidewalk and look at what work is doing to your life.  It is NOT worth it.  Trust me.  Make the change you need.

This week, my days have started with a relaxed cup of coffee in the morning, and some news, followed by a slightly less relaxed drive to work (the traffic of a metropolitan area...), and another cup of coffee when I get to work.  While we are still working out what our usual schedule will be like, (9 hour days, then 4 hrs on Friday?  Yes please!) I can already tell that there will be time to do what we love.  We live close enough to Philadelphia that we can go into the city in the evening, and come back.  We have a nice mall and lots of restaurants close to us.  I have been cooking (YAAAAY!!), and learning my new kitchen, and we are about 60% settled into the new place.  The kitties are happy. 

For the first time in a long time, I don't lay in bed at night trying to figure out how I am going to make the next days happen.  Instead, I read some of my book on my kindle, kiss my incredible fiancee, and go to sleep.

Life is good in this cube.  :)