Fate and the Runaway Train

I took a class a few years ago that introduced me to the concept of fate versus free will. It was something I had thought about before, I suppose, in some abstract sense, but this was the first time I had ever really thought about in a philosophic sense, and, in this class, a religious or spiritual sense. It must be understood that I am not religious. The major religions of the world nearly all have faults which I cannot accept, and as such, I do not subscribe to a lot of the tenets that come from being/growing up religious.

Now, on the one hand, we have fate. The details may differ, but in the end, we have no choice, we are on a fixed track, and though we may find some switches that shunt us off to the side, our final destination is unchangeable. We walk along in life, never taking a turn just to see where it goes, we pass by open door after open door, and never stop to look. Maybe it is a safe existence, yes, but what point is there? What is to be gained by living exactly as someone has decided you should, never feeling the thrill of the unknown, the fear that maybe you have gone too far this time, the exhilaration that only comes when we are truly, completely, utterly lost? Only with these feelings do we really begin to look around us and see where we are.


On the other hand, we have free will, with no caveat, entirely free, you're on your own, make your own mistakes and don't get a helping push from anyone. If you believe we are truly free to choose whatever path we will, then there is no hand to guide us, no suggestion as to the right path to choose at any given point. Imagining life like this, I imagine millions of people wandering around in the dark, hands stretched out before them, groping for some handle on what is happening to them, and where to turn next. If you are lucky enough to find the wall that leads to another room, who's to say that you won't leave it, and wander back toward the center of the dark room, never knowing that you found the right thread, or at least A right thread?


Of course these are the absolute extremes, and in reality, most people's beliefs fall somewhere on a continuum between these two end points. Personally, I find both concepts absolutely terrifying. If you choose fate, then you never get to drive. You go from point to point on the roller coaster of life, and when you get to the end chosen by someone else, you get off, and that's it, ride's over. If you choose free will, then there is no such thing as a map, you never know where you are going, and you must live life in a haze made up of, in equal parts, denial and despair.

Instead, I believe that we are guided by timing. We've all had experiences where we feel like we are pushing against some invisible wall between us and something that we very much want, times when something just seems off. Timing doesn't prevent us from doing something; if we really want it enough, we can make it happen. It simply offers us a built in second thought. These problems come up, and we are forced to take a step back. Sometimes the step back is to get a running start, in order to blast an obstacle out of the way, and sometimes, the step back is a step in the right direction.

Maybe there's a trip you really want to take... You start doing the research, and everything falls into place as if it were meant to be this way. You've talked to your boss, made airline reservations, reserved a hotel, everything. But it could go the other way... maybe you can't find a flight that allows you to make all your connections, or maybe your friend who you are supposed to go with flakes out. Whatever the reason, you get the feeling that maybe this isn't the right time to make this journey.

Maybe its a person. Maybe its a friend who you once loved beyond measure... maybe you still do, but you find yourself physically repelled by her, or you find yourself hoping that, when you phone rings, he's not on the other end. Somewhere, hidden in all that discomfort may be life's way of telling you that this person no longer belongs to your life, no longer fills the space they belonged to before.

Whatever the situation, we are presented with a clear choice, and a good opportunity to take a second look at our intentions. And in the same way, when (if) the timing is right, something will happen to make us step back and think about it again. A second chance.